People keep saying that if you believe, things will workout in the end. Those you love won't die. The one you want, won't leave. Friends won't change...You will be better at whatever you are supposed to do...And that maybe magic will happen...I don't believe in that anymore.
I am just writing here because I'm so fucking trying not to burst into tears. To be strong, because this isn't about me. This is about me being the strong one to help everybody else. It's freaking selfish to cry. So, I write here...And I might as well publish this, 'cause sometimes you need to let out these thoughts.
When I'm not there, it's pretty easy to put inside my mind it's not real. That she'll be ok. That she'll live forever. And that's why fantasy is so awesome. For a few moments, you're ok. But then reality strikes and you feel like this vaccum is pushing everything out of you. Shit happens. That's one true statement. And when you see how the world is collapsing and how strong you should be, you basically realize how scary the whole world is.
So, this total emo post is just because I need to ramble. I need to think. And let this out.
I remember when I was a kid...It seemed like nobody would ever die. Like your worst problem was not having that panini card. And it's stupid how it all changes when you turn twenty. Suddenly, you are like Audrey. You have the blues and the reds and nobody is coming to save you, because there isn't anybody. And you might be freaking awesome. And there might be amazing people out there, but...Somehow you don't seem to find each other the right way.

So, sorry about being so emo...but I needed to freaking write this. So, if you get to read this. Give it 0 credit, because this a ramble and I wrote in english so very few people would read it. Thank you.